Listen up folks, I'm going to admit to being wrong and it doesn't happen very often.

Source

Last night I published a post entitled 'The Danish Cis-man, and how I won't be boycotting', and I shared it around my various social media platforms and obviously some of my friends got to read it.

One of my friends, Sam, he read it and was kind enough to get back to me, and he told me how and why he agreed and disagreed. Before we go any further I feel I should point out that Sam is a secret agent...I'm kidding he's not, but he totally is a trans man. I also feel it's important to point out that Sam doesn't speak for all trans people, he has a trans opinion, not the trans opinion, just like I have a cis opinion, but I do not speak for all cis people, just like I don't speak for all people with glasses, or all people with brown eyes. He gave me permission to publish the message he sent me online but he asked me to point out that he's 'a trans guy, and the people who are mostly affected by this film are trans AMAB people, and perhaps more specifically trans women so even though [he's] trans, [he's] still a guy commenting on something to do with the representation of woman, they're just more specifically trans women'. He's a nice guy like that.
I thought that Sam had many good points and was so well informed on the subject I thought it would be cool to share his opinion with the world (and by 'the world' I mean the four people that read this blog), and so here is the message that Sam sent:

'Cool I disagree just in the fact that there are a lot of trans actors who have said that they're happy to play both pre and post transition trans people. Laverne Cox herself said that she would play the pre transition parts even before the idea of her twin brother playing them was brought up. Trans people have played pre and post transition in films in the past, it can work. Also it ignores the possibility of non-binary AMAB people as actors - imagine an AMAB person who is fluid between being a man and a woman, that'd be perfect! It's also the fact that trans people weren't even considered for these roles. Redmayne was cast because the director saw a 'duality' in him. That's it. And the director for About Ray stated that she didn't want a trans man playing the part.

Also, and this was a point raised by a trans woman that I read, it's incredibly dangerous to reinforce society's ideas that trans women are men by getting a man to play them. It's also super shitty because you have a cis person telling a trans persons' story, and a man telling a woman's story. There's no representation in there at all. It's also got hardly any truth in it, too, from what I've seen and read about it, they've changed tons of the story and it's very much a cis person's view of trans women.

I'm a firm believer in don't do it unless you can do it right. Miseducation is very dangerous to trans people, so I'd rather wait for something that was right rather than what can be achieved the quickest.

But at the end of the day that's just my opinion and I'm sure there'll be others who think differently' At which point I asked what 'AMAB' meant, for those that don't know it's 'Assigned Male at Birth'. 'Just on a side note, another reason people might not see those films, especially trans people, is that it'll be painful to watch them get things so wrong. It's a point I've just thought of: those films aren't made for trans people, they're made for the consumption of cis who enjoy the 'sensationalism' of trans people. They're not their to educate, they're there to entertain, and as much I would support a boycott, I first and foremost won't be seeing them because they'll upset me on a personal level.'

And you've got to admit, he's go a point hasn't he?

The Danish Cis-man, and how I won't be boycotting.

Please someone do tell me if I’m accidentally being an arsehole, or am indeed just wrong because it happens quite often. And I also want to make it very clear before you ready the rest, that I in no way mean to diminish the pain of trans people, this is not a 'get over it', they have every right to be angry as fuck; it's more like a 'next steps and let's all look to the future together', so if you've come here with a bigoted view point expecting me to agree you can fuck off right now.

Now I’ve only seen the trailer, and I’m cis-gender, thus by extension I have no idea how it feels to be trans and so could just be talking utter bollocks. But is it just me that thinks the reason that a cis-man, or more specifically Eddie Redmayne, was chosen to play Lili Elbe is that she presents as a man for a large portion of the movie, and that might be a bit distressing for a trans-woman to play? Like it’s not like that movie with Elle Fanning in, About Ray, where Ray presents as a man for the entire movie, so therefore should have been played by a trans-man (once again I’ve only seen the trailer, I could be wrong, please do tell me), or even Orange is the New Black where Laverne Cox has a twin brother who is able to play pre-transition Sophia. 











Like a trans actor should have played Ray in lieu of Elle Fanning, most definitely, but I feel like a trans-woman, with an identical twin brother, both of whom chose acting as their profession, both of whom are good enough actors to do this story justice are just too rare a find. I think it’s just one of those things that’s just a bloody shame, and although we’ve got a long way to go in our battle for trans representation, this is one of the ones we’ve just got to accept as a loss.

I feel like the only thing that boycotting this film would do is tell the powers that be over in Hollywood is that not even trans people and allies are going to see films about trans people, and the film industry is all about making money. It’s all about baby steps, we can’t expect positive representation right away, film-makers are starting to wake up to something we’ve known all along, that trans people matter, they are regular people with regular jobs, and regular stories for regular films, and they’re trying but come on Rome wasn’t built in a day, and when was the last time you got something right first try? Queer representation in mainstream cinema still isn't perfect, not even close, but like it started will gay characters being the villain or the butt of every joke, so I think we all need to think about how far we have come, and remember, we're not at the end of the trans representation in mainstream cinema journey, we're still getting there, but I won't be boycotting The Danish Girl or About Ray, because although I think they're far from perfect I also think that if no one goes to see these films then films like this will stop being picked up for the big screen, and instead of making progress in trans representation, we'll take a big step backwards. In a perfect world we'd take one giant step forward, but the world isn't perfect so I'd rather take lots of little steps forward than a big step back.

So by all means please do keep voicing your concerns about the Danish Girl and About Ray, but don't boycott them.

YOU'RE A WANKER NUMBER NINE: A tale of two parts.

Part One: Facebook and Gay Cinema

Well it all started when a girl I knew posted on Facebook how much she loved Katherine Heigl and how excited she was for 'Jenny's Wedding', I too am excited for any film where Alexis Bledel plays a woman in a same-sex relationship, as I think, should everybody be:


But my friend's excitement shocked me for two reasons: one, she, a girl I knew to be straight knew about a film that the queer community have had their eye on for over a year, while we wait patiently for it to get funded; two, not only did she know about gay cinema, she wanted to see it. I wrote a comment on this status declaring my shock:

The exchange caught the eye of a gay male friend of ours, and thus begun a discussion on the tropes and clichés of gay cinema, and how that when we tell straight people about gay cinema it feels like we're revealing a big secret. I told him about how ever lesbian film ever was about a straight girl catching the eye of a bold lesbian and beginning an elicit love affair, while he assured me that 'gay films about men are the worst, it's literally always about how they cheat on their partners because someone hot comes into town. every single one'. We laughed about it and agreed that while we were annoyed at the predictability of gay cinema it at least beat the constant bombardment of straight couples, and seeing people like us on the big screen was worth it, even if they were fucking idiots. 

He and I each had our favourites, mine being Imagine Me and You, Friend Green Tomatoes and The Four Faced Liar. His being Redwoods, (now judging by the poster it looks a little macho for me but what the fuck do I know about films about boys who like boys, both boys and people who like boys are a fucking mystery to me).

Now something else that both annoys and mystifies me, is that it's very rare that when you're discussing gay cinema with straight people that they've heard of the film that you're talking about, however it's common for them to be 'what you guys have your own films', and the answer is yes, yes we do have our own films, we have 'gay cinema' and 'gay marriage' and my personal favourite, I don't have relationships, oh no, I have 'lesbian relationships'. Now I'm going slightly of topic but it links into the hetreonormative bullshit that I will be calling out in part two.

Now where was I? That's right after our little chat a different friend drops their two penn'orth in and says he prefers anime, because all though in was 'sketchy' and 'tedious' at times, at least it 'beats western gay media'...after a collective calming deep breath from the queer community, I was ready to go into battle as a fierce and proud keyboard warrior. Queer cinema is like an annoying family member; I may call it all the names under the sun, but as soon as one of those straight people starts, oh you had better fasten your seat belts and pull up your big boy pants, I am coming for you.

 

 Okay maybe not, but I almost did, and my Mam always said it's the thought that counts. I instead turned my pout over to a different social media platform, thus bringing us to...

Part Two: Twitter and Hetreonormativity
( now I think it's worth adding here that quite often when I am typing I have pairs of words that I will mix up, most commonly 'you' with 'my' and 'never' with 'very', now it's okay in blog post and essays because I can go back and proof read, but when I'm tweeting or using messenger and the like I often get over excited at getting my information out as fast as possible and forget to check, so I'm sorry but you're going to have to use your noggins to decipher some of what's coming) 

I posted a series of tweets that went a little something like this:

This mean boy just said bad things about gay cinema, and now I'm sad.

— Abby Pearson (@abbyjanepearson) August 2, 2015

He obviously doesn't know the magic that is Piper Perabo screaming 'YOU'RE A WANKER NUMBER NINE' at a reluctant Lena Headey.

— Abby Pearson (@abbyjanepearson) August 2, 2015

Seriously, 'YOU'RE A WANKER NUMBER NINE' is the lesbian mating call, shout it at a lesbian and she will probably come running.

— Abby Pearson (@abbyjanepearson) August 2, 2015

Even if you are a man.

— Abby Pearson (@abbyjanepearson) August 2, 2015

Well that's a bit much, probably not if you're a man.

— Abby Pearson (@abbyjanepearson) August 2, 2015

Though I read this really great article about a gay man falling in love with a woman yesterday, so it could happen the other way around.

— Abby Pearson (@abbyjanepearson) August 2, 2015

This is said article: 'This Is What Happens When An Openly Gay Man Falls In Love With A Woman'. Now considering that I had tweeted it out a few days earlier, it took me longer than I am willing to admit to find that link, so long in fact that I was started to think I had made the whole thing up and that maybe this was all part of my imagination. As I mentioned I tweeted this earlier in the week, and my friend Calvin, a straight, cis ally, had read it, now all though his twitter feed is annoyingly private, I am still going to share what he had to say:

@abbyjanepearson That article was class
 — Calvin (@CDThornborrow)

@abbyjanepearson Interesting and well written
 — Calvin (@CDThornborrow)

And I took it upon myself to give him the education he never asked for, now thankfully Calvin is a close personal friend of mine and not just someone that follows me on twitter, so he was fully prepared for what came next, that is twelve sets of 140 characters before he even got a chance to get a word in edgeways:

@CDThornborrow It was really good wasn't it?

— Abby Pearson (@abbyjanepearson) August 2, 2015

@CDThornborrow I think it's a never interesting take on a subject that not enough of the community talks about, not that way round anyway...

— Abby Pearson (@abbyjanepearson) August 2, 2015

@CDThornborrow ...lots of straight people, women especially. enter into same-sex relationships and no one bats an eyelid, it doesn't...

— Abby Pearson (@abbyjanepearson) August 2, 2015

@CDThornborrow ...change their label and most people assume that if the relationship ends that person with 'revert' back.

— Abby Pearson (@abbyjanepearson) August 2, 2015

@CDThornborrow A lot of straight women sleep with other woman and it's a 'one time thing' and they're still straight, but if I slept...

— Abby Pearson (@abbyjanepearson) August 2, 2015

@CDThornborrow...with a man, my sexuality would be called into question by everyone. And I would be judged by a jury of my peers.

— Abby Pearson (@abbyjanepearson) August 2, 2015

@CDThornborrow A straight girl sleeps with a lady she's 'experimenting' if a lesbian sleeps with a man she's 'finally found the right guy'

— Abby Pearson (@abbyjanepearson) August 2, 2015

@CDThornborrow It comes from this hetreonormative place in society's collective mind where being straight is the norm and so if a woman...

— Abby Pearson (@abbyjanepearson) August 2, 2015

@CDThornborrow ...who has slept with women then sleeps with a man, whether she identifies as gay or straight...

— Abby Pearson (@abbyjanepearson) August 2, 2015

@CDThornborrow ...she's just 'going back to normal', because we see straight as a natural state and queerness as 'the other'.

— Abby Pearson (@abbyjanepearson) August 2, 2015

@CDThornborrow Here endeth the lesson.

— Abby Pearson (@abbyjanepearson) August 2, 2015

And I think we can all agree with my next statement:

Apologises to @CDThornborrow I think sometimes I forget I'm not a senior lecturer in gender studies and queer theory.

— Abby Pearson (@abbyjanepearson) August 2, 2015

I haven't even finished my bachelors degree yet, and even if I had it's in neither Gender Studies, nor is it in Queer Theory, it's in Fine Art. In fact I'm not even sure if Gender Studies and Queer Theory are real courses.

To end I'm just going to leave these hear for you gentle reader:

Don't cry Lena, it's okay, everything's going to be fine. 

Home. It's that place where your heart is, or that bunk bed you're too tall to sleep in now so it's probably a good job you moved out anyway.

I just want to start this by saying that I don't think that anyone should have to hide who they are, but 'should' is one of those bullshit words, you've got to wait until you feel safe. The world isn't perfect, and shit happens. Also I do not in anyway wish to diminish the absolute terror that comes with coming out as anything other than heterosexual (I'm probably going to say 'gay' or 'queer' for the rest of this post, listing all the sexualities or saying 'other than heterosexual' is a bit of a mouthful). And I'm not saying one is scarier than the other, definitely not, I'm just seeking a bit more empathy for my life, empathy, it's a thing guys.

Anyway, disclaimers aside, it must be shit fucking scary coming out as trans, because like, with being gay, you can tell all your mates and fuck girls every which way from Sunday, then go home and tell your Mam you're straight and she never has to know until you're ready to tell her. But with being trans if you want to be living your life you've kinda got to tell your parents if you ever want to see them again (obviously for some people that aren't so lucky they tell their folks and never see them again anyway), either that or risk major emotional trauma by pretending to be someone you're not...and even as I wrote that I could hear myself saying 'well yeah, that's kind of what hiding being gay is like too, idiot' but what I'm getting at is like, if you're trans and you decide that surgery is what is best for you, and that hormones are what's going to make you happy that is going to be so difficult, in fact I'm going to say impossible to hide. Like even if I got on the phone to my Mother after a few months on T she is going to notice that something is different, and I recently got an undercut shaved into the back of my head, and if facial hair grows back at the same speed, I'd have a 5 o'clock shadow by breakfast. Like being gay, trans comes with its own set of tough choices, must be why the universe only lets the coolest people be that way. Don't let people push you, come out when YOU feel like you are ready, and when you are safe, you do you.


Hey if you want to educate yourself, or find out more it's super easy, everything's on the internet nowadays:

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Transhealth/Pages/Transmentalhealth.aspx

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Transhealth/Pages/Transcomingout.aspx

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/LGBhealth/Pages/Comingout.aspx

http://lgbt.foundation/information-advice/coming-out-support/

http://www.tht.org.uk/sexual-health/Sex,-reproduction-and-gender/Trans-women/Trans-stories

http://www.tht.org.uk/sexual-health/Sex,-reproduction-and-gender/Trans-men/Trans-stories

http://www.tht.org.uk/sexual-health/Sex,-reproduction-and-gender/Trans-men/What-is-trans_qm_

Pretty Princesses.

First of all I just need the record to show that as a woman in my early twenties it's beyond ridiculous how much the Horned King terrifies me still to this day, and I'm not ashamed to admit it, but seriously, it's a film made primarily for children, is there any need for this...

...honestly?

Anyway the task at hand, Disney Princesses; now I have no strong opinion on Disney Princesses, I think as a group they're all kind of bad role models for young women, yeah Belle reads, but then again she also commits occasional acts of bestiality, and yes Snow White teaches the dwarves how to clean the house and look after themselves properly, but then she cleans the house for them and looks after them anyway, she's essentially a housewife to seven men, bloody Ariel gives up her entire life, family, friends, voice, and for what? A man that dumps her like a sack of hot shit the second a pretty girl walks past, Cinderella looks after orphaned mice, and has a break through moment where she escapes the clutches of the child abusing, child labour law breaking Lady Tremaine, just to go back to the castle and wait for Prince friggin' Charming to rescue her. Which really is something they're all guilty of. And do not even get me started on Jasmine, she has absolutely no redeeming features, she is rude, she is disrespectful to

almost everyone, like fair enough Jaz the men in your life shouldn't be trying to marry you off, they don't own you, but at least use your manners, she sneaks out of her room at night with a complete stranger and doesn't tell anyone where she's going, FUCKING STRANGER DANGER JASMINE, fucks sake, she uses her sexuality to seduce Jafar into doing her bidding, which isn't that bad, but come on Jasmine, you're a strong woman, use your words, you are more than your body, plus you are a fucking child and he is at least 50. Which brings me onto my next point, why do all the Disney Princesses end up with men that are years older than them, I'm not one to judge an age gap but when the younger of the couple is still a child I'm calling 'hell no' on that one. (Side note: Mulan rocks).

I digress because my original point was my favourite Disney Princess is, drumroll please.....Princess Eilonwy. Who the fuck is that I hear you ask? Princess Eilonwy, is the kick arse, no bullshit princess from Disney's The Black Cauldron (which explains my Horned King based terror at the beginning). Why is she so much superior to her fellow Princess? I'm glad you asked...

 1. She is sassy as fuck.

2. She is kind to everyone

3. She boosts moral.

4. Finding a man is not top on her list of priorities and she does not let any man boss her around. 

5. And when she does end up with a fella, it's not love at first sight, they've gone through several traumas which have brought them closer together, there is no talk of immediate nuptials AND he is age appropriate.

6. She does not hesitate to knock Taran down a peg or two when he starts with his 'we wouldn't have got out the castle if it wasn't for me' thing, she quickly informs him that he found a magic sword and the sword got them out and that if it wasn't for her breaking him out of the dungeon he'd he lying there still.

and last but not least...

7. In a film filled with peril she does the rescuing just as much as she is rescued.

Also shout out to Gurgi...

Flash-mobs, aka I'm leaving you.

I have spent the last few hours doing something that I'm pretty sure we all do, but none of us talk about, well a lot of women will anyway,not all women though, but a lot, and please do not take from this that I am like a large portion of the female population who are, for right or for wrong, dying to be married, (another debate for another time) but I have spent the last few hours watching wedding proposals on Youtube.
Let the record show that I am only admitting to this guiltiest of guilty pleasures so I can share with you what I've learned. And you know what I've learned? That flash-mobs are the devil's work, and if anyone ever tries to propose to me via flash-mob not only will I say no, we are breaking up forever.

1.They are cheesy, 2. They are awful, 3. Anyone that draws that much unwanted attention to ME in a crowded area is obviously an arsehole, 4. Anyone that draws that much unwanted attention to THEMSELVES in a crowded area is obviously a crazy person and I just don't need that sort of behaviour in my life, 5. They always last too long. Fucking flash-mobs. Like I mean seriously what's wrong with 'Hey dude I love you and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna love you for the rest of my life, wanna have a party so we can tell all the other people we love? Yeah? Awesome let's get married.' IN THE COMFORT AND PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOME. Oh and 6, that's right I've thought of a number six, 6. Everyone else present has to be subjected to this display as well.

I don't need to be a victim of your flash-mobbery. What if I'm just trying to enjoying my life in peace and some fool has organised a fucking flash-mob to propose to their significant other? What if I don't like this song? I fucking hate Bruno Mars' Marry You, and god knows it is used for around 80% of flash-mob proposals. What if I just wanted a quiet meal, or a nice walk in the park and YOU FUCKING RUINED IT WITH YOUR FLASH-MOB? And why do these flash-mob bandits never use real dancers it's always the target's loved one's friends, and family, and colleagues, in other words: people who can not dance for shit.

Another thing I always think when watch these displays of lunacy is this: the person being proposed to, for the sake of argument we'll say Betty, knows what's happening within the first 30 seconds of the whole charade, Betty knows she is being flash-mobbed, now in the three or four minutes that follow one of two things could happen, either Betty thinks 'Wow I'm so excited to get married' in which she has to wait there awkwardly while the shit dancers finish their routine, where the level of skill is matched only by the choreography, so she can be put out of her misery, OR in that four minutes or less Betty has time to think this over, and I mean REALLY think it over, and she says no, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS NOW? I think Betty's significant other should just play it safe and stick with my 'Hey dude I love you etc.' thing. 


And I swear, hand to a god I don't believe in, if you propose to me in front of a crowd of people, be it strangers, or loved ones, hell even my Mother makes this list, I will leave you. I will walk out and never come back, I do not care how much I thought I loved you.

Real men fight, and other kids games.

Tonight my Mam took me out for me and a couple of my nieces out for tea, and a few tables along is this family of four, standard boring nuclear family, two parents, one girl and one boy, who is in the same class as my nine year old niece, and a we can hear the family telling him off, and there was so much wrong with this conversation that I can only give you highlights, but the long and short of it was that when people pick on him he can't get upset, and he needs to take up a sport, and stop eating so much, 'From now on you can only eat breakfast, dinner and tea, and not grown up portions' like dude, what the fuck, he's a child, and not a tall child, I'd be surprised if he can ever reach the worktops, if he's eating grown up portions it's because that's what you're feeding him.

I was just getting over this incredulous lapse of logic, when the 'man' of the family starts saying, 'you need to take up a man's sport, a real man's sport like boxing, shut up telling him to pay football, football's a man's sport, but it's not a man's man sport, boxing is a sport for real men', and that 'men watch football but they're not real men, real men box and play rugby and knock each other about', at this point his mother chips in 'yeah if you played rugby you'd be able to plough right through him', somewhere in the middle of this speech I sent my nieces to the play area while they waited for our food to come, being nine and ten I didn't want them to hear this bullshit.

'Real men knock each other about', now I know you can't judge how other people drag up bring up their kids, and that it's their own business, but who the fuck tells a little boy and girl that basically the real measure of a man is how hard he can punch something?

Now I consider myself a good Northern working class girl, granted I have a blog and a university education (almost), but I also have a 'top for best', I indulge in the occasional Snakebite, and I consider any Christmas without a bust up a dull affair, I know, in my heart, that I am a working class lady, and from my experience and from the accounts of others and through things I've learned, I know that upper class misogyny and working class misogyny are two different things, the misogynistic upper classes consider their wives to be sweet pure little things that belong to them and that can't possibly have been seen naked by another man, regardless of how many women have had his cock in their mouth, (*cough* Madonna/Whore complex *cough cough*), working class misogyny is 'real men don't hit women', women are to be protected, we need looked after, because heaven forbid a women can take care of herself.

Tonight I witnessed the newest little generation of damsels in distress looking for their hero, and big strong men looking to 'knock each other about'. Ain't life grand?