Flash-mobs, aka I'm leaving you.

I have spent the last few hours doing something that I'm pretty sure we all do, but none of us talk about, well a lot of women will anyway,not all women though, but a lot, and please do not take from this that I am like a large portion of the female population who are, for right or for wrong, dying to be married, (another debate for another time) but I have spent the last few hours watching wedding proposals on Youtube.
Let the record show that I am only admitting to this guiltiest of guilty pleasures so I can share with you what I've learned. And you know what I've learned? That flash-mobs are the devil's work, and if anyone ever tries to propose to me via flash-mob not only will I say no, we are breaking up forever.

1.They are cheesy, 2. They are awful, 3. Anyone that draws that much unwanted attention to ME in a crowded area is obviously an arsehole, 4. Anyone that draws that much unwanted attention to THEMSELVES in a crowded area is obviously a crazy person and I just don't need that sort of behaviour in my life, 5. They always last too long. Fucking flash-mobs. Like I mean seriously what's wrong with 'Hey dude I love you and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna love you for the rest of my life, wanna have a party so we can tell all the other people we love? Yeah? Awesome let's get married.' IN THE COMFORT AND PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOME. Oh and 6, that's right I've thought of a number six, 6. Everyone else present has to be subjected to this display as well.

I don't need to be a victim of your flash-mobbery. What if I'm just trying to enjoying my life in peace and some fool has organised a fucking flash-mob to propose to their significant other? What if I don't like this song? I fucking hate Bruno Mars' Marry You, and god knows it is used for around 80% of flash-mob proposals. What if I just wanted a quiet meal, or a nice walk in the park and YOU FUCKING RUINED IT WITH YOUR FLASH-MOB? And why do these flash-mob bandits never use real dancers it's always the target's loved one's friends, and family, and colleagues, in other words: people who can not dance for shit.

Another thing I always think when watch these displays of lunacy is this: the person being proposed to, for the sake of argument we'll say Betty, knows what's happening within the first 30 seconds of the whole charade, Betty knows she is being flash-mobbed, now in the three or four minutes that follow one of two things could happen, either Betty thinks 'Wow I'm so excited to get married' in which she has to wait there awkwardly while the shit dancers finish their routine, where the level of skill is matched only by the choreography, so she can be put out of her misery, OR in that four minutes or less Betty has time to think this over, and I mean REALLY think it over, and she says no, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS NOW? I think Betty's significant other should just play it safe and stick with my 'Hey dude I love you etc.' thing. 


And I swear, hand to a god I don't believe in, if you propose to me in front of a crowd of people, be it strangers, or loved ones, hell even my Mother makes this list, I will leave you. I will walk out and never come back, I do not care how much I thought I loved you.